And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
