why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
