You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
