Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
