i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
