We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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