I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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