while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
