sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
