oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
