I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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