Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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