Im at strip club and am horny
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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