mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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