if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
