I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
