Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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