I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We named our party play list daddy issues
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize