Moan for me like Helen Keller
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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