are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
