I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
