either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
