I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's never too late to be topless.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
My penis needs a shock collar
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
