I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
