i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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