Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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