i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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