I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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