like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
