We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
