i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
