I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
