This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
