Yo dont text me then not text me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
this just has baby written all over it
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
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