I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
