I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
