my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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