Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
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Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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