Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
