I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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