dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I smell stomach acid.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
