At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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