So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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