you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
