think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
