If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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