I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
