FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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