I think i peed on brittanys purse
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
