We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
