These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
