I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
