Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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