He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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