You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
