They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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