That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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