"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
