so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
