just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
