And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
