Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
