my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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