her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
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