also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
