flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
