Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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