Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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