i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
