Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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