He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
