I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
