Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
