I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
